Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
