I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
