Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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