we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
