did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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