i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
