Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
