Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
