the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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