Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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