Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
