well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
This house was built for laser tag.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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