I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
