I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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