R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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