I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
In America we eat man semen.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
