Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
