Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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