the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
