My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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