We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
