the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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