My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
