For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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