Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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