You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
