Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
