Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
