It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
