when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
