someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
