You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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