Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Randomize
