When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
