we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
