I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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