i just google imaged poop.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
