I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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