zippers are such a cool invention
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
What a dumb baby whore.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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