why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
you traded sex for a burrito?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
