my vag is so smooth its legendary
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
a search helicopter?!
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
