IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
