shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
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