She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
