Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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