But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
