i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
