a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
You smell like stripper and shame
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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