Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
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