i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Randomize
