OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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