his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize