You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
