handjob tips. give me some.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
