if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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