i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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