Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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