is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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