Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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