I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
