nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
