is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize