i think my tv is drunk
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
