Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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