We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
